100 perfect ROASTS: The best of the best, Funny and Punchy

Vladimír Šubr

Sep 28, 2023

We have selected 100 absolutely perfect roasts for you. We've made lists of only the absolute best. Plus, we've sorted them into categories. Come and choose! A good roast is a humorous or witty remark, often at someone's expense, that is intended to tease, mock, or make fun of them in a light-hearted or playful manner. The effectiveness of a roast often depends on the context, the relationship between the roaster and the roastee, and the delivery of the roast.

1. Appearance-Based Roasts:

If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents.

If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.

You’re not ugly; you just stink at playing hide and seek.

Your face makes onions cry.

You look like something I’d draw with my left hand.

I’d give you a nasty look, but you already got one.

I’m not saying you’re fat, but it looks like you were poured into your clothes and someone forgot to say “when”.

2. Intelligence-Based Roasts:

I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.

You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck thinking.

It’s better to let someone think you’re stupid than to open your mouth and prove it.

If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.

Are you always this stupid, or is today a special occasion?

You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck when thinking.

I'm glad to see you're not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance.

Why is it acceptable for you to be an idiot but not for me to point it out?

3. Aggressive Roasts:

I’d slap you, but that would be animal abuse.

If zombies chase us, I’m tripping you.

I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.

No, I’m not feeling violent, I’m feeling creative with weapons.

I’d tell you to go f*ck yourself, but that would be cruel and unusual punishment.

You’re the reason God created the middle finger.

If I wanted a bitch, I’d have bought a dog.

4. Indifference & Avoidance Roasts:

I’m not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.

You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.

Someday you'll go far—and I hope you stay there.

I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

If you have something to say, raise your hand. Then, place it over your mouth.

I’d love to stay and chat, but I’d rather have type-2 diabetes.

I apologize for doing anything that made you believe I care about how you feel.

5. Sarcastic & Witty Roasts:

I’m not a nerd; I’m just smarter than you.

Your family tree must be a cactus because everyone on it is a prick.

I’d like to see things from your point of view, but I can’t seem to get my head that far up my ass.

I’ve seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission.

I'm not an astronomer, but I am pretty sure the world revolves around the sun, not you.

Everyone can act foolish once, but you are violating that privilege.

If you’re offended by my opinion, you should hear the ones I keep to myself.

6. General Insults:

I’m not insulting you; I’m describing you.

If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I’d fart.

It’s not a shame to be stupid, but it’s a shame to be proud of it.

You act like how I would think vomit would act if it could.

I thought of you today, and it reminded me to take out the trash.

You and I go way back, and you’ve always been annoying. I mean, you even used to make your happy meal cry.

It’s not that you’re annoying; it’s just that I’d liken you to the human version of period cramps.

Are you done with all of this drama? Because I need an intermission.

Most mistakes can be fixed; you are the exception that proves the rule.

What is good roast?

And how to discover them? Here some characteristics of a good roast:

Witty and clever: A good roast is often clever and showcases the roaster's wit. It's not just a plain insult but has a twist or play on words that makes it memorable.
Contextual: The best roasts are tailored to the situation or the person being roasted. They are relevant to current events, personal traits, or shared experiences.
Light-hearted: While roasts are at someone's expense, they should be done in a light-hearted and playful manner. The intention is to entertain, not to genuinely hurt someone's feelings.
Delivery: The way a roast is delivered can make or break it. Timing, tone, and facial expressions play a crucial role in how a roast is received.
Know your audience: It's essential to know who you're roasting and how they might take it. Some people enjoy a good-natured ribbing, while others might be more sensitive. It's also important to consider the audience who is listening.
Not crossing the line: A good roast doesn't cross boundaries of decency or touch on sensitive topics that could deeply hurt someone. It's essential to strike a balance between humor and respect.
Relevance: A roast that touches on something topical or currently relevant can be particularly effective.
Originality: While there are many classic roasts, coming up with something original and unexpected can leave a lasting impression.

In popular culture, "roast" events, where celebrities are humorously mocked by their peers, have become popular. These events are meant to honor the individual (the "roastee") while making fun of them in a friendly and comedic environment. The Comedy Central Roasts are a well-known example of this format.